i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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