im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
