I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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