did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
