i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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