Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
