Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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