you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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