Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
