i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
