Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
