careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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