Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
