you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
