It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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