Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
