girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I party with great urgency now.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
