dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
