____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
