we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
