she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
