u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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