seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
