Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
