hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
