so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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