I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
