You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
