i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
