dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
We had sex on a dog bed..
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