how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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