So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
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We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
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He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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