apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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