She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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