sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
