You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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