Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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