I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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