she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm like, not good at living.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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