Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
