Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
