i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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