I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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