non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
