so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
