The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
