you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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