Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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