I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Text me some of your sweat
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
