she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
it's like iHOP with fire
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
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