I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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