pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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