Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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