Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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