Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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