Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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