sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
