so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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