She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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