Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
