.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
