Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
