when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize