I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
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Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
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I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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