I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
