Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
babies were throwing up all over the place
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Send help, water and tortillas.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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