First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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